loving mondays

Ok so my attention span is lasting about 10 minutes today. I have 3 hours to kill, and I have no idea how I’m going to last. For some reason I am really tired today. This is something I don’t really understand… it’s like I haven’t slept (though I did get a few hours sleep last night) and my mind is heaps foggy. Every time I try and sit down and read through notes, or do some work my mind just freezes type thing, or just goes blank. I think I am exhausted. The past few months have really taken it out of me, I think a week off wasn’t long enough. I know I could have stayed so much longer down in Narooma. It is almost like a person wanting to escape something, like smoking pot to escape life- I escaped to Narooma, and now I have had that taste of it I want more. I constantly want to escape- I feel trapped.

Today in philosophy we were talking about freedom, and what is to classed as free. I guess in my world I don’t feel free. If I was free I would be able to live the way in which I want. To wake up each day next to a certain someone, be able to casually do things like uni and art etc and not have to do all this rushing and travelling around. Maybe that is why I enjoyed Narooma so much, I could do what I pleased- I went with my desires- I was free for a weekend.

In French today I was doodling on a piece of paper- bad move if you want to do work by the way- and I wrote “utopia” which is one of my favourite words. Gemma was sitting next to me and she saw what I was writing and she said

“ohh, Utopia can never exist; my ideal world is different to what another person’s idealistic world would be.”

It really got me thinking (and today, that’s a big effort!) about what my Utopia would be. One main thing would be that people would have to be honest. When I told Gemma that she asked me what exactly would people be honest about and how honest would they be? If everyone told the truth- “but what is truth?” sigh- kept what other people told them to their selves, and didn’t lie, cheat or steal would we be able to exist? In an idealistic world there would be no bad; no death, no hurt, no pain etc. but you can not have ‘good’ without the ‘bad’. So if everyone was honest and trustworthy would people still be able to live; you are taking the bad away therefore the good would not exist. (The continuing cycle don’t you think?)

If for example I told someone I trust a personal detail of myself- something I would not want other people to know and I ask them not to tell others I am putting my faith in them not to tell. So what if I could always rely on the fact that they would not tell another living soul? What if that was a “social norm”? Yes, I suppose that in reality we are convinced that it is a social norm. That being honest, fair and just should be a part of our lives. We are taught that from an early age in our society, but does it mean it really exists?