Looking back through my posts i realize one thing... this blog has kind of turned into a diary type thing. not quite sure if that's how i wanted it to be but i guess that happens.
Well even though I've had this year off uni I'm still a uni student :P so i might as well keep typing posts in this blog. I'm going to try and write more. i think it really helps me when i randomly blurt out some of my thoughts to an unknown source= such as a blog. Sort of like spring cleaning my mind...
OK first of all I'm about to start on a new chapter of my life- I'm going to be a mum. something i am very anxious and excited about. especially since I'm going to be doing it as a single mum. One of the reasons i am so anxious about it is the stigma that is still attached to single mums. the other night i was thinking about other peoples opinions on the situation. i have my parents who are in full support of it, thus a little disappointed but still supportive non-the-less. i have friends such as shelby, candice, daniel etc that are thrilled by the idea of a baby in their friendship group. though I'm still a bit weary of their actual opinions I'm just guessing by their reactions and questions as to what it is. then there are certain people who say they are here for me etc but i haven't heard from in months and months... even when there is opportunities to talk to me. i understand people have their own lives, the past month or two i basically have done just that- lived my own little life. hardly see anyone just bum around the house, or do my own thing. which is something i prefer to do then go out and socialize. but the thought comes into my head that maybe they do have an issue with me being pregnant. i remember a friend telling me that there is no "accidents" with becoming pregnant. that things happen and you do have control over it- such as contraceptives etc, and this was coming from a person i haven't heard from in months. the idea that single mum living in Albion park (the reputation of being the "bogan" town...) kind of has a stigma towards it. Almost like a "trashy" type of thing to do, i have got this hanging over my head. i haven't yet heard that many negative things towards the situation i am in, but the thought still crosses my mind. the same emotion gets to me every time i think of it; its anger and defensiveness. i am over joyed by what is happening, i love the idea of becoming a mum i always have had what people would call the motherly instinct. but to have people see it as a negative is hard to deal with... like someone telling me "you should of got rid of it!" it is like a stab in the heart.
OK, now Ive rambled on about that enough the next thing which is one thing this blog is about- UNI. i am planning to go back to uni next year. continue doing Philosophy and finish my degree so i can do primary education at the end. (here's to being at uni for another like 5 years WOOT!) having a child and going to uni is going to be interesting. I'm not sure how things are going to go, i know its never going to be easy but I'm wanting to enjoy it. Ive missed uni so much this year but i know i could not handle going this year. being so sick at the beginning and so tired the last few months i wouldn't have handled the constant strain of uni. but i don't care about this for next year- i am going back! every time i try and think about how i can organise it so i still spend time with my own child and go to uni at the same time kind of gets my heart racing... i want to be able to be a good mum and live my life at the same time. i know it can be done- but getting other people to agree to what i am doing is difficult. depending on how things are going i am wanting to be able to take bubs to uni with me. at least then ill have constant company :P seen as how last year i spend hours at a time by myself doing nothing i think it will work. during lectures etc i think i will be able to keep bubs with me.
i guess ill see how things go.
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