running from reality

lately the idea of running has been constantly on my mind. i think the idea of escaping reality is appealing to me at the moment, because to face reality is the real challenge. if you sit down and think of all the challenges you are faced with in every day life, you start to wonder what the use of it all is. but i think without these challenges you can never grow, never develop who you are. right now i think of myself as a timid little being that hasnt grown into my full potential. i know i can be happy. i know i can be "sucessful" etc, but the whole problem is to do so i must find the confidence within myself.
i said to someone i want to be happy for them and its true. i think to be happy for oneself is great and all, i think to be happy for yourself should be one initiative. but for me my family and friends are what makes me happy. if things are going right in my life its all well and good, but for things to be well for those around me i think that is what truely makes me happy. its like the whole cycle thing, if im happy but those around me arent then i become unhappy. so i think my happiness comes from others. if i was able to get away and make myself better then i would... trust me its something i really want. but what about when i get back? will i be able to handle things better? i know quite a few people would probably say yes i would be able to cause i have a clearer head. reality will still be there, no matter how much i try and escape it. and the more i do try and escape it the worse off i am. like once ive had a taste of it ill want it more.

a saying ive found is :
"i dont run away from a challenge because i am afraid. instead i run towards it because the only way to escape fear is to trample it beneath your foot" - nadia comaneci.
and i guess the past few months ive been trying to do that. that i face things instead of turning and running because im sick of being that person. but i am human sometimes i do get overwhelmed, and yesterday i did that. i "gave in" and wanted to bail. i even came close to packing up the car and driving and never stopping. instead i drove to shellharbour harbour and sat there for over an hour and i came to one conclusion:

i dont want to be this person anymore.

i dont want to be the person that is depressed, and that gets overwhelmed. i need to be organised and in control. and im determined to do so.

im determined to stay because thats the real challenge, running is the easy option!!